We may not realize this instantly but it’s a fact that “Expectations are nothing but resentments waiting to happen”. In fact, the very reason why some relationships do not work are the unfulfilled expectations we hold from people. Our expectations are undermining acceptance. So, if we can replace these expectations with acceptance and forgiveness, no relationship, personal or professional, can ever go bad.

We generally argue that we can’t do without expectations because expectations are somewhere rooted in our needs, which can just not be eliminated. Agreed, expectations do reflect our needs. For example, I need my family’s support and expect it from them and when the expectation is not fulfilled, the underlying meaning is nothing else but my need for support is not met. There is a crucial difference however, between the need and expectations. We tie our expectations to people who matter to us, whereas there can also be other ways to fulfil our needs. When our near ones cannot live up to our expectations, it causes anger and resentment in us. The best way to deal with this situation is to get over this feeling and constructively look for ways to satisfy our needs. Though it would feel nice, if our near ones could fulfil our expectations but when they cannot, we should also be considerate enough to understand their limitations and hold acceptance and forgiveness for them. Carrying this kind of an attitude can really save our relationships and it enables us to lead a peaceful and trauma-free life.

So in place of accusing and blaming our close ones of being different from what we had expected, we should accept reality. We should accept that life happens. Things change and they are usually different from what we would expect. As long as we have expectations, we would put the onus on other people, our surroundings, circumstances, our future or all of these. This would mean we deny to live in the present and accept reality. So, better instead, let us accept things and people just as they are. Letting go of our expectations and accepting everything ‘As Is’, brings us the peace of mind, we always look for.

We first need to know and define for ourselves, what self-love is, in order to have this question answered. Self-love is anything but the empty love of self-pride and egoism, a preoccupation with a person’s self which is even combined with a general disregard for the others. Self-love is also unlike the love for your family and friends or the lover for art, travel or music. It is in fact, a kind of gentle acceptance of oneself and unconditional sense of care, support and compassion for oneself. It is the willingness to listen to one’s inner voice and to feel and think in the way, one wishes to. In essence, it is about picturing oneself as good, valuable and worthy of all happiness in the world. However, it may understandably mean different to different individuals since everyone’s way of showing their love (for the others or for oneself) is unique. It really helps to indulge in genuine amounts of self-love when you feel down, depressed and occupied with the most self- derogatory thoughts. IF you still have no idea how to indulge in self-love, here’s a list of ‘things to do’ to get started:

1. Treat your body as a holy vessel: Let’s not treat our bodies as anything less than a holy and loving vessel. Let’s make sure that we do not put anything in our bodies unintentionally or unconsciously. A bit of mindfulness will not only make us look good, it will make us feel good too.
2. Say ‘no’ to comparisons: We all are used to comparing ourselves, sometimes with our favourite media personalities and sometimes, with our relatives and friends. In the times of social networking, platforms such as Facebook and Twitter are stuffed with their pictures, right after a shopping spree, their engagements, weddings, with their new born babies and so on. Understandably it is difficult to look at so many positive pictures together and refrain from comparing them with our lives. So, the next time we browse the web, we must remember that we all have bad days, which are simply not posted on Facebook. So we and our lives are perfect just the way they are. This thought helps you shift our focus from feeling negative, especially when there’s so much for us to be grateful for.
3. Build a support system around you: We know that we all wish we could do it all by ourselves, but it is not always possible. We, by all means do need support from the people around us to stay on track and keep going well in our lives. Don’t miss to build a strong support system around you, with the people who truly care for you.
4. Learn to let go of things: Almost all the time we are carrying baggage of things from our past that weigh heavy on our souls. On the other hand, if we want to board the joy flight of self-love, we MUST get rid of these things of the past and travel light. Holding on to all things passé can only take us on a trip of low self-esteem and guilt. Let’s spare ourselves from all the hurt and move on to be the best we can.
5. Get a bit spiritual: The very foundation of self-love is based on faith, regardless of what we believe in. When we truly and strongly believe in something, it opens the doors of our souls to all the beauty, the concept of faith holds. It develops our intuition so that we can make decisions based on our gut feeling. Finding our spiritual interests, take us on a journey to learning things about ourselves. These new learnings in terms of thoughts, passions, emotions and feelings help us appreciate ourselves for being the real ‘us’.

How many times have we heard our elders advise us to “work hard now to enjoy life later” or “save money now to spend it later”? On contrary, some people out rightly believe in the “Live in today or live in the now” philosophy. However, when it comes to practically implementing these in our lives, we realise that the conventional idea of working hard now and enjoying later is a bit difficult to keep up with, in the longer term. The reason being, it involves a delayed gratification. Moreover, the idea of investing in one’s future by taking all the pain early in life, without being aware how late it can pay off may not be particularly motivating. On contrary, enjoying life now, may sound like an interesting proposition, since it instantly gratifies us. So, there are people who live for the now and take life day by day and they definitely appear to be enjoying life much more. Their idea stems from a simple belief that we have absolutely no idea of how many days of life we have and postponing enjoyment for a seemingly indefinite period of time can mean no enjoyment at all. From where I look at it, it is the best to make each day, a balanced one. The best way to go about it for us all is to work hard, yet make sure to blend in some ‘me time’ or ‘fun time’ in our routines each day, when you can pursue all the fun activities you enjoy the most, whether it is exercise, morning coffee with friends, a joyful bike ride or anything else that makes you feel that you are “living in today”. Off course, you can include this ‘me time’ in your schedule on an almost daily basis, since it surprisingly helps you bring out the best in you at work too. Otherwise, it is no way to live to wait for the weekend or wait for the vacations or wait for some x years to enjoy life completely. At the same time, we should understand that working hard empowers us with the ability to enjoy the fun part of our lives confidently that we are moving in the right direction to also contribute to our future and progress.

Derived from the teachings of Buddha, here are some of the most important life-lessons we can implement in our lives to lead a better and happier life:

• Small and consistent beginnings can go a long way

For, an empty vessel fills drop-by-drop, there is really nothing wrong with starting small. “Every artist was first an amateur.” Almost everyone starts small. But, those who are consistent with their effort and patient, go a long way. There are seldom any overnight success stories in the real life, while it is true that “Small and steady wins the race”. Success belongs to those, who are willing to start small and patiently work toward fulfilling their dreams.

• Thoughts Become Things

“The mind is everything. What you think, you become” Buddha has said. He has also quoted, “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.”

So, our thinking determines our actions; which in turn determine our outcomes. While right thinking can grant us everything we desire; wrong thinking is a vice that can eventually destroy everything for us. By changing our thinking, we can change our lives. And a righteous living commands filling our minds with “right” thoughts.

• Learn to forget and forgive

Buddha has taught us “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” So when we release people from the prison of our un-forgiveness, it is we who are actually released from the prison. It is simply because we cannot keep someone down without staying low along with them. So, we need to not only learn to forget and forgive but we need to learn to do it quickly.

• Your actions are what count

“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act upon them?” Buddha said, “I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.” It is said that the talk is of no value. To progress, one must act and to progress quickly, one must act daily. This implies that everyone who is willing to act consistently toward it, can experience greatness. A famous proverb goes like this “God gives every bird a worm, but he doesn’t throw it into their nest.”

• Conquer Yourself

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.”

According to Buddha, the one who is capable of conquering over himself/herself is the most powerful of all. In order to conquer over ourselves, we must conquer our minds. We must control our thinking. We must strive to dismiss the thoughts contrary to the life we wish to live. Buddha said, “It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe that lures him to evil ways.”

• Stay in Peace

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” The truth is that inner peace and contentment can only be found within. We often tend to look outside, only to distract ourselves from this fact. So, if we carefully come to think of it, the inner peace cannot be achieved by either of a new job, a new car, a new house or a spouse. In fact, the inner peace stems from nothing but a new perspective, which begind within you and nowhere outside.

• Stay Thankful

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.”

We can always look around us to find that there is always at least something to be thankful for. We needn’t be so pessimistic that for even a split second, we fail to realize that there are thousands of things for us to be thankful for. After all, not everyone in the world was lucky enough to wake up this morning. At any point of time, we have something to be thankful for. Let us recognize it. Let us all count our blessings and learn to be thankful, every moment.

“Few ever lived to old age, and fewer still ever became distinguished, who were not in the habit of early rising.” – John Todd

Aren’t there times when you wish your days could have more than 24 hours? These are the times when you just don’t have enough time to do things that you really want to do. Waking up early each morning is not just a great way to make your days longer but it also helps you start your days well and on a positive note. This helps you add a couple of highly productive hours to your day simply by being an early riser. Here are some easy tips to inculcate the good habit of early rising:

Decide your wake-up time before you go to sleep

When you’ve just woken up, it is not the best time to decide whether or not you should stay in bed. So, if you want to be a regular early riser, make a decision about your wake-up time right before you go to sleep, on the night before.

Make a plan for the extra hours you get

Do have a plan for the extra couple of hours you get every morning, by waking up early. In absence of such a plan, you may feel tempted to have a “morning nap” that would wipe away all the effort you put into waking early.

Don’t use an unpleasant alarm tone

Experiment a bit to see what works best to wake you up. Whether it is the light, sound, smells, temperature, whichever would wake you up in a pleasant manner, avoiding the old and irritating old alarm clock, which gets you angry and inspires you to go back to sleep.

Exercise right after you wake up

Just pick the form of exercise you do not mind doing and get your heart rate up to chase sleep away from your mind. It could be anything ranging from jumping rope, push-ups, crunches or even a few minutes of yoga.